Exploring what some women want in text

IN the last 10 years, the web has been my hunting ground and I search for just about anything. One of my wishes is to be competent enough to answer questions posed to me by either a male or a female. That vexatious question; what does he want or what does she want occupies a prime sport in my list of social enquiries. There is really no one response to that question. Daniel Bergner over ten years ago (Jan 22, 2009) in The New York Times Magazine asked the same question but in seeking a conclusive response turned to scientists who were working on solving the puzzle. Bergner averred, “Freud’s question [has] gone unanswered for nearly a century not because science had taken so long to address it but because it is unanswerable?”

If science has not answered the question, I wonder what a web crawler hopes to come up with. I do not promise to solve the almighty formula but I just want to share what I have read with you all and you are free to point me to results of research findings that you might have encountered. One of the commentators to Bergner’s article wrote, “for women who grew up in a family where love, touch, empathy and trust were all connected, attachment to another person is often associated with longing to be touched.” What you will never find out is how to know who grew up in such a family. So as we say in our neck of the woods ‘Eegungun be careful na Express you dey go’

One thing that I have found out in my many years of collecting materials online is that there is no homologous woman. The woman race comes in different forms and with different formulations. As I was reading the comments by readers on Bergner’s 2009 article, I asked myself what do you make of this. “But sometimes we want the dominant caveman. In the alley somewhere.” I will leave the metaphor of the caveman to your imagination

Leaving the New York Times article aside, on a particular website I frequent often, a woman put it bluntly. “I’m not being shallow but I’m not into BLACK men, I’m not into BALD (emphasis belongs to the woman) headed men I prefer men with hair, facial hair is a plus mustache or a goatee or both clean shaven is good also or the rough look too.” To this woman not anything that starts with the letter B should stop by her tent. Keep moving she says. Another woman added belief to hers, I am tall she says but “I prefer tall Christian men. I love the outdoors, camping, fishing, motorcycles, dancing and lots of adventure. I do not have small children and would not be a good match for someone who does.” In the few lines, you are drawn into the world of this woman; her hobbies, and the nature of her present family. The description above shows that there is no ambiguity in the kind of partner she desires, you are either the one or you are not.

AS I read more profiles, I started to think that creative women know who they want and why. This person says she is a “very warm eclectic woman with an artistic side.” Her search is simple; she wants to meet a warm loving sprit to build a future with. My concern for this person is how do you determine a loving sprit from a distance?  If the needs of the woman with an artistic side has one or two kinks how do you, deal with this straight shooter? “I’m a simple woman. I am not into games, not materialistic just looking for an intellectual, romantic man to share the happiness life brings. A man who would not let miles come between true love. If you smoke or are on here to find sex, partners pass me by. I am not into smoking & I am only intimate in a one on one relationship.” When smokers of the world shouted for unity, I was not sure they reckoned that their life style would also ostracize them. It appears some women cannot stand smokers.

If you think Americans only pray to win elections, what will you say about this very simple prayer? “I am ready to find someone to have and to hold for the rest of my life. I am not good alone anymore! I pray God to send someone!” It is a pity that I had no means of knowing if the African angels or the Latin American angels answered this prayer. Just to be sure that not just one woman brings God into the matter I present you with this single professional country lady. To her “God is first in my life. I am always smiling. Yet I also know when to be serious. I am a very passionate highly energetic, yet laid back, compassionate funny spontaneous, loving, easy to please. And i am a giver!!! veryyyy romantic woman and much more! I can go from blue jeans to a dress and suit, anytime. However, for now I do not want to share all my secrets! LOL!!! I have a lot of love to offer the right man. I am easy going (emphasis mine). I love to laugh. Very romantic lady, I love the out-doors, even cuddled by a fire.”  I am not sure this is the lady, Fela Kuti, says likes to dance fire dance. Do not you just like her binaries, easygoing and serious, someone who can be casual and a formal dresser too? Did I miss what she wants in a man? Please read again

THIS next profile tells a little story about herself and she wants those in the dramatic department in the school of life to let her be. She is a strong independent woman. She loves life and even better; she loves to live it. She is happy and silly 95% of the day, her passion is laughing. She even has the lines to prove that fact….lol… My concern is what happens 5% of the day, will the strength of the chain be determined by its weakest link? I will let you read her raw words so as not to think I am making things up.

”I am honest…loyal and loving….looking for the balance that I am missing…I enjoy so many things so just take it for that….little things make me happy…I am not demanding. I enjoy a drama free environment (so, No drama, Men) I am very comfortable with who I am….I am witty..silly…sarcastic..fun to be with and caring…I do have a soft serious side..I can get very deep in my thoughts. I am very in touch with my emotions and I do not hide them..I journal and write a lot of poetry.” To be a poet and a lover at the same time should make finding a man very easy, I think.

What is it that these selected women have against men with dramatic skills? This woman says, “I am a fun person and a loyal friend. I have three sons who are grown and live away from home. I love good food and wine whether I cook it or dine out. Preferably healthy. Love to travel and anything to do with the arts. Age appropriate only. I am not looking for a sugar daddy and not a cougar. No drama. I just want to be happy.” There must be something about men who graduated in the dramatic department of the school of life; a couple of women say thanks, but no thanks.

When it is short and concise, it goes right to the heart of the matter. This next one has little garnishing. “Each day I am amazed at the incredible opportunities and experiences that life has to offer. I believe you create exactly what you want in life and so far, I like what I have done. I enjoy the simple things. Where better to stop and smell the flowers than in Hawaii? I love spending time outdoors. If we’re fishing, gardening, snorkeling, kayaking, hiking, surfing or just relaxing at the beach (all with my dog of course), then I’m happy. I believe all things happen for a reason and that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be at any given time.” To those who can interpret philosophy this profile tells more than mere words. It re-echoes the Yoruba saying that humans should be in their place and occupy their spaces too. One of the musicians even prayed to the Almighty that might we not be alive like we are not alive!

In case you are not bored yet, let me add this one else, I give the impression that all the stories are sugar coated. This one may not pull your heartstrings but you will not fail to notice the sincerity. “[I have] had my heart broken too many times so just be ready to love me and respect me but you must want a best friend too. I am a Trekkie but not a total geek, definitely hot and never mean or cruel. Can’t afford the membership at the moment so communication is limited, I’m reduced to winking 😉 I will add you if interest is perked!”

WHAT did the sage say? When all else fail; please turn to your faith and this is exactly what our last profile story has done. “God doesn’t always give you what you want…but he’ll always give you what you need. With that said, I am not expecting to find my so-called soul mate within a few conversations. I do not have an agenda, nor a period to do so. I find that a lot of men on here are expecting just that. They seemed hurried & rushed…and skip the whole process in their quest to find ‘the one’. You must first set a strong foundation in order to build & move forward. If only men would, change their mindset, as Rome was not built in a day…perhaps they would not experience a sense of failure or loss, when not making the connection they anticipated. Missed opportunities…perhaps the start of great beginning friendships could happen here instead…at the least?” She says it all and I have nothing more to add than the end of the matter came from a commentator from Texas, “I’ll tell you what women want:  The same thing that men want!”

Therefore, we ended where we started. I liked the prose in which the women articulated their needs and wants. Three times God came into the equation leaving me to think about how religious the American society can be. In politics, God is called upon, in Sports you will not fail to see signs and symbols of a God loving people. What do some men want? I wish someone can take this subject up and share with us how men construct their wishes.