Secrets of being a ‘Power Couple’

SOCIAL media was filled with comments about different couples that graced the Joe Biden/Kamala Harris inauguration this week. George W Bush and Laura Bush. Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton. Joe and Jill Biden. Barack Obama and Michelle Obama. Doug Enhoff and Kamala Harris, among others.

One couple that stood out for most people is the Obamas; they are such a beautiful sight to behold, some commentators call them the power couple. When you watch their interviews, you cannot but give it to them that they are ‘together’ in the marriage. A friend said to me: ‘there is something about these two, it is kind of unexplainable, they are in sync, the synergy, it’s just magical’. I smiled and said, ‘I am sure they have stories to tell’. As perfect as the Obamas look, they had their own challenge, you can get a hint of it from Michelle Obama’s book ‘Becoming.’

YES, for every thriving marriage that we see and desire, there are stories of ups and downs, there are moments of tears and joys, tales of falling in and out of love, echoes of stability and instabilities, sounds of balanced and unbalanced rhythms, winds of despondency and cheeriness. The only thing is that through it all, the individuals involved rose, worked, prayed, persevered, forgave, let go, overlooked, and decided never to give up on each other.  Is this an easy process? Not at all.

Having been married myself for a decade and a half, I can boldly say commitment on the part of the two partners is key.

In all honesty, marriage is a beautiful experience. I mean doing life with someone you love, respect and share almost same set of values with, someone who eventually comes to know and can read you, predict you, defend you, affirm you and cherish you is a unique experience I wish everyone can have.

Great as it is, however, some have not been able to experience it at all; some are struggling in it; some are wondering if they are cut out for it.

But how have others been able to effortlessly (so we may think) make their marriages look perfect? I am sure no one can lay claim to having all the answers for a successful marriage, but some of the points below (I assure you) are common to the successful marriages.

COMMITMENT is a great formula for a great marriage. Committed individuals will take decisions based on the greater good of the union rather than on selfish gains.

Respect: Having respect for one another is another recipe, respect for your spouse’s decisions, space, choices, outlook to life… respecting your spouse will show in your words and action to them especially when you are in public. The issue of respect is a big deal especially for the male gender, a wise spouse knows too well not to make jest of his/her spouse in public. Those of the sanguine stock has a lot of work to do here as they find everything funny and do not (most times) see anything wrong in making jest of others even in public. The way you respect your spouse sets the tone for others in your circle to do same or otherwise. We all need to consciously put respect at the top of our must-do lists in our marriages.

Affirmation and admiration of your spouse can help in boosting your marriage. While your spouse is making his/her points, a nod, a smile from you is a good way to encourage him/her. Affirm your partner privately and publicly. Let the criticism be done privately, you should automatically be your spouse’ number one cheerleader. Do not be selfish with praise, lavish it on her/him but be stingy with persistent criticism or nagging.

Supporting and looking out for your spouse need be a top priority for you. Show interest in her/his interest, work, business. Go out of your way to search for information that can advance your spouse’ course in life. Do not stand aloof when issues close to your spouse’s heart are being discussed. Seek to know and learn, you will be amazed at how close this can get you two. Support your spouse financially too.

Keep Faith with your spouse. In their moment of failure be there, encourage them and give them hope.

Sacrifice in marriage is a big one. You will need to bend your rules once in a while. Your choices may be affected every now and then. I personally do not like going out but my husband is a very outgoing person, I have come to realise he means well for us to go out and enjoy the world, I have come to terms with this and adjust my preference in this regard. Though I still struggle occasionally especially with his surprises (which I see as impromptu… don’t tell him… hmmm (lol).

Trust is another big one. It is mostly earned in all truth. Do well to be trustworthy. Carry your partner along in your plans, if there is any change of plan do well to communicate it to your spouse, do not let them hear of changes in your routine from a third party, it erodes trust.

Also be humble enough to know that you are not perfect so you will make mistakes occasionally. Apologise if you do and set things straight. Also be ready to forgive your spouse, move on and refrain from rehearsing hurts.

You should both grow together, academically, career wise, spiritually, financially carry each other along in life, encourage each other as you upgrade in the journey of life.

Another important part is sexual intimacy. I am a believer in the sanctity of the marriage bed, there is this peace of mind, confidence and joy that comes from knowing the two of you share this intimacy exclusively. Make up your mind that your spouse has all it takes to satisfy your sexual needs. Work together on this aspect, grow together, explore together, make it a no-holds-barred. There is no limit to the pleasure you can both give yourselves. Be enthusiastic about this aspect of your life, invest in it, create time for it. I can tell you this is worth it. I have an article on how to spice up your sexual life with your spouse, watch out for it in this space (lol).

I urge you to give your marriage all it takes; it will help you go faster in life and fill your heart with peace.

Consciously work with the above tips and do write me if you need a listening ear and words of encouragement for your marriage.