Confidency: The state and art of being Confident (2)

Are you in a toxic relationship with envy and bitterness carrying the face of love? Cut it off! Are you around pretenders who love to live a life of contest? Cut them off! Because you are an average of the people you associate with. You can’t rise above the average of who they are. Attract what you want to become.

IF your substance, your network and your net-worth has failed to confer confidence on you and your shortcut solution these days is to forcefully project confidence instead of becoming confident and making confidence a lifestyle, then the struggle will never end.

Listen up…

There would always be someone richer, someone better networked, someone with more belongings, someone with better expertise, someone with a better approach and likeability. So how would you survive when you are around someone who you perceive to be better than you? Does a better person make you insecure? If yes, then you need some fixing.

So how can you learn to grow healthily within your skin?

1. Gratitude – Look at what you have already achieved: We all fall into the trap of envy and insecurity because we all fail to sometimes pause and look at our present and past achievements/pursuits. We look around and live in the feeling of what the environment tells us – that things are better with other people than with us. We are in a world where people show-off fake impressions at the expense of real living. They persuasively project happiness, wealth and confidence, meanwhile they are being eaten up with so many shortcomings and patches they will never disclose.

Why not bring out a sheet of paper and think/reflect on past victories, past promotions, past conquests, failure’s you have learnt from and be grateful for them. What this (gratitude) does is that it boosts your positivity, it boosts your hope, and it makes you genuinely satisfied as you healthily stretch for more. There are a billion reasons to be grateful, so don’t overlook how far you have come.

Note: Make sure you don’t do this exercise like an academic one but an insightful and meditative one.

• Be Conscious – SWOT your life: Why live with that shortcomings all on your own? Why are you scared to acknowledge what makes you thick or make you weak? Why are you not living in the consciousness of your perfections and imperfections? Why wouldn’t you love yourself as a work in progress? Let me shock you… Your next neighbour has got his or her own weakness, he or she has just become an expert at covering it up. Doing a SWOT analysis with some expert help can help to expose yourself to you.

What an expert coach does for you is that he/she helps you build on your strength and also puts you in the consciousness of it. This expert joins hands with you to practically manage your weakness so as to bring them to the barest minimum. Your coach also kills off the sprouting threats and then helps you maximise both present and future opportunities.

• Stay Alert – Watch that Association: You can’t just be grateful. You can’t just be working with an expert on your SWOT. You must importantly watch your association. Are you in a toxic relationship with envy and bitterness carrying the face of love? Cut it off! Are you around pretenders who love to live a life of contest? Cut them off! Because you are an average of the people you associate with. You can’t rise above the average of who they are. Attract what you want to become. Cherish relationships that make you better, that challenge you to become a better person. Relationships that teach you self-respect and self-worth, one that inspires you to love yourself, that is what you need.

• Don’t let it Stray – Manage that Mind: The mind is the compass of the human body. What you are, what you do and what you project is a reflection of what your mind says. You can’t just let your mind subconsciously lead you or feed you. You must begin to learn to live intentionally so you can feed your mind deliberately, so you can engage in intentional self-talks and to shut the mind up deliberately when it errs.

A man in shackles isn’t the man in bondage but a man whose mind he lacks control over. We can’t continue to live in autopilot only to be fed and adjusted unfiltered by the environment.

Get Up and Stand Tall!

• Steven Haastrup is a Communication/Public Speaking Consultant in Abuja, Nigeria